"Take a sad song and make it better" - Hey Jude, Beatles.
What if I say? - " If you are sad, take a song and feel better" .
According to Wikipedia - Music is an art form consisting of sound and silence. For me, the sound and the silence is therapeutic. So many times I've felt broken and a song has mend my soul. So many times I have taken a walk with music plugged into my ears and when I have looked up at the vast blue of the sky, I've found myself transported to another world.
And I so feel like agreeing to what the wise little boy says -That God must be a musician. He must be, coz he tells me to go listen to a song whenever I am upset.
And then when I sing along, it dosent really matter if I am not in melody, coz I can sing like no one's listening and scream all my sorrows out.
And then there are songs which you associate with some people and though the people may not be there in your life any longer, whenever the song plays anywhere, you get reminded of them. And then you sing -
"A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile. "
But yes, I can be sure when I say - The day the music dies will be the day that I die."
Friday, January 04, 2008
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Mysore - I bid you adieu!
6th May 2007 - I miss the Chamundi Express to Mysore. Somehow manage to arrive still.
The beauty of the campus captivates me.
5th June 2007 - I move into my rented house. It soon becomes home. Though I don't quite like the workplace, I feel good at home.
7th September 2007 - Moving out. Bidding goodbye to the beautiful city.
I remember the tears trickling down my face when I had known that I shall be in Mysore for good. Fast forward and a silent tear wells up again when its time to bid goodbye to it.
Its strange how this city has made me feel. Its strange for me to say that I will miss it somewhere. I have cribbed enough over the fact that I was here but there is no denying that this city will somewhere be a part of me forever. The face of this city will occupy a permanent corner in my heart.
Having lived in a big city all my life, this was an experience for me. I can say that there is no denying that this place is beautiful. I love the weather here, the rains and the gulmohur trees. I love my house. It was a luxurious place to stay in. I was surprised but yes, the road is a main road. The buses going uphill wake me up every morning. I will miss the walk to the bus stop. There have been days when I have walked down this road and felt the closest I could to nature. I can't pinpoint why. Its a small place. No malls, no theatres. Most people speak Kannada. and I know what to say when they speak to me in Kannada - Kannada gote illa ( I don't know Kannada). Its strange how strangely xenophobic I have felt here sometimes. Like a foreigner. Have met some nice people here. Some not so nice.
Work wise this city hasn't given me much. The kitchen in my house here is where I have learnt to cook. I love the Mysore palace and being a guide for it. I have been there too many times. I have wanted my family and all my friends to come and visit me here. I have wanted to show my home to them, my city, the places I have discovered here. I feel a certain amount of possessiveness with this city, because I am the only one here amongst all my friends. So I feel that its my city where I want to show them around, where I want to be their host.
Life in this city is not as fast as it is in others. My company is probably valued most by the people here. They feel they owe something to the company because they have helped in its development. And this gratefulness makes me feel nice that I am a part of this organisation. There have been very few times when I have felt this otherwise. People here are simple, very. Those handful of nice eating joints that we have discovered here some how mean something to me.
There have been times when I have felt bored in this city. Super bored. And I have wanted to just escape from here.
There have also been times when I have felt that I want to retire in the peace and tranquility of this city, sitting in a rocking chair in my balcony with ear plugs in my ears and a book in my hand.
Strange gestures I have come across. Like my milkman shaking hands and wishing me independence day when he came to deliver milk on the 15th of Aug. In a big city, no one would care a damn to do that.
Auto wallahs have recognised us and greeted us at the bus stop. Could'nt imagine this in a place other than Mysore.
I have felt what it means to provide employment. My servant calls me 'amma' and she started to cry when she got to know that I am leaving. She got me a note in Hindi written from some one saying that -' please ask the next owner of the house to employ me'. She thought that I didn't understand that when she tried saying the same thing to me in the morning in Kannada. I wanted to tell her that I had just begun to understand her. And yes, I was surprised to find my throat choking when she brought me that note. I guess I will buy her a gift before I leave.
Though I have cried here over my loneliness and over work, I will miss Mysore. I will miss my house. Sorry, home.
I bid you goodbye Mysore. And leave you with the hope that I will be back sometime, maybe to fulfil my retirement dream! Till then, be as you are. Don't turn into what a big city is. Stay like this always!
The beauty of the campus captivates me.
5th June 2007 - I move into my rented house. It soon becomes home. Though I don't quite like the workplace, I feel good at home.
7th September 2007 - Moving out. Bidding goodbye to the beautiful city.
I remember the tears trickling down my face when I had known that I shall be in Mysore for good. Fast forward and a silent tear wells up again when its time to bid goodbye to it.
Its strange how this city has made me feel. Its strange for me to say that I will miss it somewhere. I have cribbed enough over the fact that I was here but there is no denying that this city will somewhere be a part of me forever. The face of this city will occupy a permanent corner in my heart.
Having lived in a big city all my life, this was an experience for me. I can say that there is no denying that this place is beautiful. I love the weather here, the rains and the gulmohur trees. I love my house. It was a luxurious place to stay in. I was surprised but yes, the road is a main road. The buses going uphill wake me up every morning. I will miss the walk to the bus stop. There have been days when I have walked down this road and felt the closest I could to nature. I can't pinpoint why. Its a small place. No malls, no theatres. Most people speak Kannada. and I know what to say when they speak to me in Kannada - Kannada gote illa ( I don't know Kannada). Its strange how strangely xenophobic I have felt here sometimes. Like a foreigner. Have met some nice people here. Some not so nice.
Work wise this city hasn't given me much. The kitchen in my house here is where I have learnt to cook. I love the Mysore palace and being a guide for it. I have been there too many times. I have wanted my family and all my friends to come and visit me here. I have wanted to show my home to them, my city, the places I have discovered here. I feel a certain amount of possessiveness with this city, because I am the only one here amongst all my friends. So I feel that its my city where I want to show them around, where I want to be their host.
Life in this city is not as fast as it is in others. My company is probably valued most by the people here. They feel they owe something to the company because they have helped in its development. And this gratefulness makes me feel nice that I am a part of this organisation. There have been very few times when I have felt this otherwise. People here are simple, very. Those handful of nice eating joints that we have discovered here some how mean something to me.
There have been times when I have felt bored in this city. Super bored. And I have wanted to just escape from here.
There have also been times when I have felt that I want to retire in the peace and tranquility of this city, sitting in a rocking chair in my balcony with ear plugs in my ears and a book in my hand.
Strange gestures I have come across. Like my milkman shaking hands and wishing me independence day when he came to deliver milk on the 15th of Aug. In a big city, no one would care a damn to do that.
Auto wallahs have recognised us and greeted us at the bus stop. Could'nt imagine this in a place other than Mysore.
I have felt what it means to provide employment. My servant calls me 'amma' and she started to cry when she got to know that I am leaving. She got me a note in Hindi written from some one saying that -' please ask the next owner of the house to employ me'. She thought that I didn't understand that when she tried saying the same thing to me in the morning in Kannada. I wanted to tell her that I had just begun to understand her. And yes, I was surprised to find my throat choking when she brought me that note. I guess I will buy her a gift before I leave.
Though I have cried here over my loneliness and over work, I will miss Mysore. I will miss my house. Sorry, home.
I bid you goodbye Mysore. And leave you with the hope that I will be back sometime, maybe to fulfil my retirement dream! Till then, be as you are. Don't turn into what a big city is. Stay like this always!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Blabber!
Scene 1: Waking up on a week day morning and not wanting to go to work.
Scene 2: Waking up on a weekend and thinking how the day will see its end. Another day to be passed.
Scene 3: A smile on the face at night after knowing that another day is some how over.
Now, freeze these scenes in your mind.
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view-until you climb into his skin and walk around in it". This is what Atticus said to Scout Finch in To Kill a Mocking Bird. And so, when there is someone who says that I should do this and do that, I get reminded of Atticus. He was wiser than you and me. Anyway, why am I justifying. Its my writing space and I am writing for myself.
Imagine that you are alone in a big two bedroom house alone for 2 days. After a not-at-all-hectic 5 day week, even if you pray to get some sleep, you don't. Yes, you have the phone and the Internet with you if you call it anything close to your interaction with human existence. And Imagine, when in such a situation you feel that you wish anybody could tell you to go to office. Revert to Scene 1. Is this what you call an irony?
Picture this! You so want to go a holiday for the extended weekend and you can't go, not because you don't have money.But because you don't have the right company.
Money. I have been quite intrigued with this. People have such different concepts about money. I pity those for whom earning money is the end all and be all of life. Money is important, no doubt! The laptop and the internet connection I am using right now all come for some amount of money. I recognise that.
But then, isn't money a hygiene factor and not a motivator? Should'nt it be a means to an end and not an end in itself? I really believe in this. That money is a means to an end and not an end in itself. Another irony of my life? Yes, another! I don't get anything apart from money in my current job.Nothing! And the fact remains that I never wanted to work for money anyway!
But then I guess we all learn to get along with the system, fake a smile, lie, and compliment. And I will also learn this. Its just a matter of time. Maybe I shall also learn. Maybe I better learn!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Boredom
Sleep. Scrap.Check many profiles. Mail. Scribble.Games.Read one page, flip two more, go back and read another page, shut it, go back to it, read a page, flip two more. SMS. Call. Chat. Eat. Sleep.Scrap.Login.Logout. Scribble.Weep.Sleep.Change channels.Walk. Stretch.Newspaper.Sudoku.Calvin. Hobbes. Horoscope.Blogger.Job Sites.Refresh. Scrap. Sleep.
"Life is like a twice told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man".
How is it for you?
"Life is like a twice told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man".
How is it for you?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The first pessimist
Some one wrote:
Love resides in the gap between desire and fulfilment
It breathes in the lack not the contentment
It is the ache, the anticipation, the retreat
Everything around it but the emotion itself.
This is what I wrote back:
Disappointment resides when the gap is never bridged
There is so much lack I cannot breathe
The ache, the anticipation dosen't end
What remains is just a mixed bag of emotions.
I sometimes feel that I was the first pessimist born on this planet. Some would refuse to agree with me on this because I keep up a smiling face most of the time. But, these days, I am a perpetually cribbing woman. I 've always been a pessimist. I have always looked at the negative side of things first. Sometimes this pessimism just surfaces more often compared to other times and these days have been those days. And when the ocean of pessimism inside me is too full, then I indulge in high doses of humor. The child within me comes alive. I crack the silliest of jokes and laugh at myself. Or it is then that I write, write to my hearts content; till it fills the emptiness, the lack. And it is then that I feel content.
To all those whom I have troubled with my pessimism, I hereby apologize. But I promise, that I will continue.!
Love resides in the gap between desire and fulfilment
It breathes in the lack not the contentment
It is the ache, the anticipation, the retreat
Everything around it but the emotion itself.
This is what I wrote back:
Disappointment resides when the gap is never bridged
There is so much lack I cannot breathe
The ache, the anticipation dosen't end
What remains is just a mixed bag of emotions.
I sometimes feel that I was the first pessimist born on this planet. Some would refuse to agree with me on this because I keep up a smiling face most of the time. But, these days, I am a perpetually cribbing woman. I 've always been a pessimist. I have always looked at the negative side of things first. Sometimes this pessimism just surfaces more often compared to other times and these days have been those days. And when the ocean of pessimism inside me is too full, then I indulge in high doses of humor. The child within me comes alive. I crack the silliest of jokes and laugh at myself. Or it is then that I write, write to my hearts content; till it fills the emptiness, the lack. And it is then that I feel content.
To all those whom I have troubled with my pessimism, I hereby apologize. But I promise, that I will continue.!
In a meeting
Dazed, confused, lost.
Foggy, misty, hazy.
In a meeting,
I grapple with business jargon.
I find myself misplaced
Displaced.
I scribble.
Staring at a phone pretending to listen.
In an unknown land,
Lost as always!!
Foggy, misty, hazy.
In a meeting,
I grapple with business jargon.
I find myself misplaced
Displaced.
I scribble.
Staring at a phone pretending to listen.
In an unknown land,
Lost as always!!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Reflections
Song Playing: Humsafar, Silk route
" Sur se saji geeton si teri yaad,
Tujh bin sanam, bhaye na koi baat
Kaise kaho, akele chaloon aaj
Aao sanam, Soone hain dil ke saaz. "
I dedicate this verse to all those wonderful few with whom I have spent the two most beautiful two years of my life.
As I was alone in a big house and a small city for the entire weekend, not having any human presence around me, just a cell phone that I used to connect to a few people, there were loads of thoughts which crossed my mind.
I miss all my friends, some more, some less. If God asked me for one wish, I would wish to have them with me to laugh with, to crib to, to fight with, to love, to care.
Some of my friends envy my chilled out work life. But work life sucks.I want something more challenging, something to look forward to everyday. I can chill when I am 50. I want to work, I want to kick this job only if I get something better and I am willing to take a risk. When will I take a risk, when I am 50? when i have the lives of 2 more people attached to mine? No, i want something more out of my work life !
A friend whom I spoke to on the phone made a comment - " That X is bored with life is because she is single and she would be happier if she had someone to share things with". I don't blame her for saying something like this because she feels that having a guy has made a difference to her life. A large part of her life now revolves around that one person. And maybe she is right. I have seen a certain excitement in people who are in love.They say love is magical.Is it the idea of being in love that is magical? I wonder.
But what is true love? Does it exist in the first place? If it did, there wouldn't be too many broken relationships. And Love at first sight is what I absolutely don't believe in. Love is about discovering a person, about knowing him too well to think he is predictable and then being surprised at that moment when you thought he was predictable.It is about the connect, the chemistry, probably something like that between the characters in the movie Before Sunrise. Maybe my picture is Utopian. I don't blame myself. I have never been in love. I might be lying when I say that, I am quite a liar.
There is another friend who says - " A guy and a girl can never be just friends. There has to be something between them, from one side at least." Again these are comments which get me thinking. Probably this was true in the previous era when there was not so much interaction between guys and girls and hence there was an obvious attraction, but I don't agree with her if she says that it still holds true.
If a woman is single, its just because the right person has not come across yet. I think there is a certain independence in being single. She dosen't have to hang up while talking to a friend saying that he is on call waiting, phone calls are not restricted to one person, daily activities need not be reported to someone, she dosen't need to go invisible on chat, just because now he has come online, she doesn't need to worry about his insecurity when she goes for a movie with a male friend and at the same time she need not feel insecure about his female friends. It saves so much trouble, But yes, when this single woman gets friendly with a guy, he might think she is available just because she is single and if she is close to a male friend who is committed, she might have to face insecurities of his girlfriend.But then, Is love about finding the right person or about creating the right relationship?
And what about lost love? I want to quote Mitch Albom from 'The Five people you meet in Heaven' :
"Lost Love is still love. It just takes a different form. You can't see their smile or move them around a dance floor.But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it.You dance with it.Life has to end.Love doesn't."
But memories will fade with time. In the hurried existence called life, who has the time to nurture memories?
But yes, there is a need for companionship. Sometimes, I've felt lonely, I've felt broken from inside and then I've felt the need to have someone to hug and to pour out all my worries and all my thoughts to. A human and not this 12 inches by 6 inches keyboard.
" Sur se saji geeton si teri yaad,
Tujh bin sanam, bhaye na koi baat
Kaise kaho, akele chaloon aaj
Aao sanam, Soone hain dil ke saaz. "
I dedicate this verse to all those wonderful few with whom I have spent the two most beautiful two years of my life.
As I was alone in a big house and a small city for the entire weekend, not having any human presence around me, just a cell phone that I used to connect to a few people, there were loads of thoughts which crossed my mind.
I miss all my friends, some more, some less. If God asked me for one wish, I would wish to have them with me to laugh with, to crib to, to fight with, to love, to care.
Some of my friends envy my chilled out work life. But work life sucks.I want something more challenging, something to look forward to everyday. I can chill when I am 50. I want to work, I want to kick this job only if I get something better and I am willing to take a risk. When will I take a risk, when I am 50? when i have the lives of 2 more people attached to mine? No, i want something more out of my work life !
A friend whom I spoke to on the phone made a comment - " That X is bored with life is because she is single and she would be happier if she had someone to share things with". I don't blame her for saying something like this because she feels that having a guy has made a difference to her life. A large part of her life now revolves around that one person. And maybe she is right. I have seen a certain excitement in people who are in love.They say love is magical.Is it the idea of being in love that is magical? I wonder.
But what is true love? Does it exist in the first place? If it did, there wouldn't be too many broken relationships. And Love at first sight is what I absolutely don't believe in. Love is about discovering a person, about knowing him too well to think he is predictable and then being surprised at that moment when you thought he was predictable.It is about the connect, the chemistry, probably something like that between the characters in the movie Before Sunrise. Maybe my picture is Utopian. I don't blame myself. I have never been in love. I might be lying when I say that, I am quite a liar.
There is another friend who says - " A guy and a girl can never be just friends. There has to be something between them, from one side at least." Again these are comments which get me thinking. Probably this was true in the previous era when there was not so much interaction between guys and girls and hence there was an obvious attraction, but I don't agree with her if she says that it still holds true.
If a woman is single, its just because the right person has not come across yet. I think there is a certain independence in being single. She dosen't have to hang up while talking to a friend saying that he is on call waiting, phone calls are not restricted to one person, daily activities need not be reported to someone, she dosen't need to go invisible on chat, just because now he has come online, she doesn't need to worry about his insecurity when she goes for a movie with a male friend and at the same time she need not feel insecure about his female friends. It saves so much trouble, But yes, when this single woman gets friendly with a guy, he might think she is available just because she is single and if she is close to a male friend who is committed, she might have to face insecurities of his girlfriend.But then, Is love about finding the right person or about creating the right relationship?
And what about lost love? I want to quote Mitch Albom from 'The Five people you meet in Heaven' :
"Lost Love is still love. It just takes a different form. You can't see their smile or move them around a dance floor.But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it.You dance with it.Life has to end.Love doesn't."
But memories will fade with time. In the hurried existence called life, who has the time to nurture memories?
But yes, there is a need for companionship. Sometimes, I've felt lonely, I've felt broken from inside and then I've felt the need to have someone to hug and to pour out all my worries and all my thoughts to. A human and not this 12 inches by 6 inches keyboard.
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