Monday, August 27, 2007
Blabber!
Scene 1: Waking up on a week day morning and not wanting to go to work.
Scene 2: Waking up on a weekend and thinking how the day will see its end. Another day to be passed.
Scene 3: A smile on the face at night after knowing that another day is some how over.
Now, freeze these scenes in your mind.
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view-until you climb into his skin and walk around in it". This is what Atticus said to Scout Finch in To Kill a Mocking Bird. And so, when there is someone who says that I should do this and do that, I get reminded of Atticus. He was wiser than you and me. Anyway, why am I justifying. Its my writing space and I am writing for myself.
Imagine that you are alone in a big two bedroom house alone for 2 days. After a not-at-all-hectic 5 day week, even if you pray to get some sleep, you don't. Yes, you have the phone and the Internet with you if you call it anything close to your interaction with human existence. And Imagine, when in such a situation you feel that you wish anybody could tell you to go to office. Revert to Scene 1. Is this what you call an irony?
Picture this! You so want to go a holiday for the extended weekend and you can't go, not because you don't have money.But because you don't have the right company.
Money. I have been quite intrigued with this. People have such different concepts about money. I pity those for whom earning money is the end all and be all of life. Money is important, no doubt! The laptop and the internet connection I am using right now all come for some amount of money. I recognise that.
But then, isn't money a hygiene factor and not a motivator? Should'nt it be a means to an end and not an end in itself? I really believe in this. That money is a means to an end and not an end in itself. Another irony of my life? Yes, another! I don't get anything apart from money in my current job.Nothing! And the fact remains that I never wanted to work for money anyway!
But then I guess we all learn to get along with the system, fake a smile, lie, and compliment. And I will also learn this. Its just a matter of time. Maybe I shall also learn. Maybe I better learn!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Boredom
Sleep. Scrap.Check many profiles. Mail. Scribble.Games.Read one page, flip two more, go back and read another page, shut it, go back to it, read a page, flip two more. SMS. Call. Chat. Eat. Sleep.Scrap.Login.Logout. Scribble.Weep.Sleep.Change channels.Walk. Stretch.Newspaper.Sudoku.Calvin. Hobbes. Horoscope.Blogger.Job Sites.Refresh. Scrap. Sleep.
"Life is like a twice told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man".
How is it for you?
"Life is like a twice told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man".
How is it for you?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The first pessimist
Some one wrote:
Love resides in the gap between desire and fulfilment
It breathes in the lack not the contentment
It is the ache, the anticipation, the retreat
Everything around it but the emotion itself.
This is what I wrote back:
Disappointment resides when the gap is never bridged
There is so much lack I cannot breathe
The ache, the anticipation dosen't end
What remains is just a mixed bag of emotions.
I sometimes feel that I was the first pessimist born on this planet. Some would refuse to agree with me on this because I keep up a smiling face most of the time. But, these days, I am a perpetually cribbing woman. I 've always been a pessimist. I have always looked at the negative side of things first. Sometimes this pessimism just surfaces more often compared to other times and these days have been those days. And when the ocean of pessimism inside me is too full, then I indulge in high doses of humor. The child within me comes alive. I crack the silliest of jokes and laugh at myself. Or it is then that I write, write to my hearts content; till it fills the emptiness, the lack. And it is then that I feel content.
To all those whom I have troubled with my pessimism, I hereby apologize. But I promise, that I will continue.!
Love resides in the gap between desire and fulfilment
It breathes in the lack not the contentment
It is the ache, the anticipation, the retreat
Everything around it but the emotion itself.
This is what I wrote back:
Disappointment resides when the gap is never bridged
There is so much lack I cannot breathe
The ache, the anticipation dosen't end
What remains is just a mixed bag of emotions.
I sometimes feel that I was the first pessimist born on this planet. Some would refuse to agree with me on this because I keep up a smiling face most of the time. But, these days, I am a perpetually cribbing woman. I 've always been a pessimist. I have always looked at the negative side of things first. Sometimes this pessimism just surfaces more often compared to other times and these days have been those days. And when the ocean of pessimism inside me is too full, then I indulge in high doses of humor. The child within me comes alive. I crack the silliest of jokes and laugh at myself. Or it is then that I write, write to my hearts content; till it fills the emptiness, the lack. And it is then that I feel content.
To all those whom I have troubled with my pessimism, I hereby apologize. But I promise, that I will continue.!
In a meeting
Dazed, confused, lost.
Foggy, misty, hazy.
In a meeting,
I grapple with business jargon.
I find myself misplaced
Displaced.
I scribble.
Staring at a phone pretending to listen.
In an unknown land,
Lost as always!!
Foggy, misty, hazy.
In a meeting,
I grapple with business jargon.
I find myself misplaced
Displaced.
I scribble.
Staring at a phone pretending to listen.
In an unknown land,
Lost as always!!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Reflections
Song Playing: Humsafar, Silk route
" Sur se saji geeton si teri yaad,
Tujh bin sanam, bhaye na koi baat
Kaise kaho, akele chaloon aaj
Aao sanam, Soone hain dil ke saaz. "
I dedicate this verse to all those wonderful few with whom I have spent the two most beautiful two years of my life.
As I was alone in a big house and a small city for the entire weekend, not having any human presence around me, just a cell phone that I used to connect to a few people, there were loads of thoughts which crossed my mind.
I miss all my friends, some more, some less. If God asked me for one wish, I would wish to have them with me to laugh with, to crib to, to fight with, to love, to care.
Some of my friends envy my chilled out work life. But work life sucks.I want something more challenging, something to look forward to everyday. I can chill when I am 50. I want to work, I want to kick this job only if I get something better and I am willing to take a risk. When will I take a risk, when I am 50? when i have the lives of 2 more people attached to mine? No, i want something more out of my work life !
A friend whom I spoke to on the phone made a comment - " That X is bored with life is because she is single and she would be happier if she had someone to share things with". I don't blame her for saying something like this because she feels that having a guy has made a difference to her life. A large part of her life now revolves around that one person. And maybe she is right. I have seen a certain excitement in people who are in love.They say love is magical.Is it the idea of being in love that is magical? I wonder.
But what is true love? Does it exist in the first place? If it did, there wouldn't be too many broken relationships. And Love at first sight is what I absolutely don't believe in. Love is about discovering a person, about knowing him too well to think he is predictable and then being surprised at that moment when you thought he was predictable.It is about the connect, the chemistry, probably something like that between the characters in the movie Before Sunrise. Maybe my picture is Utopian. I don't blame myself. I have never been in love. I might be lying when I say that, I am quite a liar.
There is another friend who says - " A guy and a girl can never be just friends. There has to be something between them, from one side at least." Again these are comments which get me thinking. Probably this was true in the previous era when there was not so much interaction between guys and girls and hence there was an obvious attraction, but I don't agree with her if she says that it still holds true.
If a woman is single, its just because the right person has not come across yet. I think there is a certain independence in being single. She dosen't have to hang up while talking to a friend saying that he is on call waiting, phone calls are not restricted to one person, daily activities need not be reported to someone, she dosen't need to go invisible on chat, just because now he has come online, she doesn't need to worry about his insecurity when she goes for a movie with a male friend and at the same time she need not feel insecure about his female friends. It saves so much trouble, But yes, when this single woman gets friendly with a guy, he might think she is available just because she is single and if she is close to a male friend who is committed, she might have to face insecurities of his girlfriend.But then, Is love about finding the right person or about creating the right relationship?
And what about lost love? I want to quote Mitch Albom from 'The Five people you meet in Heaven' :
"Lost Love is still love. It just takes a different form. You can't see their smile or move them around a dance floor.But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it.You dance with it.Life has to end.Love doesn't."
But memories will fade with time. In the hurried existence called life, who has the time to nurture memories?
But yes, there is a need for companionship. Sometimes, I've felt lonely, I've felt broken from inside and then I've felt the need to have someone to hug and to pour out all my worries and all my thoughts to. A human and not this 12 inches by 6 inches keyboard.
" Sur se saji geeton si teri yaad,
Tujh bin sanam, bhaye na koi baat
Kaise kaho, akele chaloon aaj
Aao sanam, Soone hain dil ke saaz. "
I dedicate this verse to all those wonderful few with whom I have spent the two most beautiful two years of my life.
As I was alone in a big house and a small city for the entire weekend, not having any human presence around me, just a cell phone that I used to connect to a few people, there were loads of thoughts which crossed my mind.
I miss all my friends, some more, some less. If God asked me for one wish, I would wish to have them with me to laugh with, to crib to, to fight with, to love, to care.
Some of my friends envy my chilled out work life. But work life sucks.I want something more challenging, something to look forward to everyday. I can chill when I am 50. I want to work, I want to kick this job only if I get something better and I am willing to take a risk. When will I take a risk, when I am 50? when i have the lives of 2 more people attached to mine? No, i want something more out of my work life !
A friend whom I spoke to on the phone made a comment - " That X is bored with life is because she is single and she would be happier if she had someone to share things with". I don't blame her for saying something like this because she feels that having a guy has made a difference to her life. A large part of her life now revolves around that one person. And maybe she is right. I have seen a certain excitement in people who are in love.They say love is magical.Is it the idea of being in love that is magical? I wonder.
But what is true love? Does it exist in the first place? If it did, there wouldn't be too many broken relationships. And Love at first sight is what I absolutely don't believe in. Love is about discovering a person, about knowing him too well to think he is predictable and then being surprised at that moment when you thought he was predictable.It is about the connect, the chemistry, probably something like that between the characters in the movie Before Sunrise. Maybe my picture is Utopian. I don't blame myself. I have never been in love. I might be lying when I say that, I am quite a liar.
There is another friend who says - " A guy and a girl can never be just friends. There has to be something between them, from one side at least." Again these are comments which get me thinking. Probably this was true in the previous era when there was not so much interaction between guys and girls and hence there was an obvious attraction, but I don't agree with her if she says that it still holds true.
If a woman is single, its just because the right person has not come across yet. I think there is a certain independence in being single. She dosen't have to hang up while talking to a friend saying that he is on call waiting, phone calls are not restricted to one person, daily activities need not be reported to someone, she dosen't need to go invisible on chat, just because now he has come online, she doesn't need to worry about his insecurity when she goes for a movie with a male friend and at the same time she need not feel insecure about his female friends. It saves so much trouble, But yes, when this single woman gets friendly with a guy, he might think she is available just because she is single and if she is close to a male friend who is committed, she might have to face insecurities of his girlfriend.But then, Is love about finding the right person or about creating the right relationship?
And what about lost love? I want to quote Mitch Albom from 'The Five people you meet in Heaven' :
"Lost Love is still love. It just takes a different form. You can't see their smile or move them around a dance floor.But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it.You dance with it.Life has to end.Love doesn't."
But memories will fade with time. In the hurried existence called life, who has the time to nurture memories?
But yes, there is a need for companionship. Sometimes, I've felt lonely, I've felt broken from inside and then I've felt the need to have someone to hug and to pour out all my worries and all my thoughts to. A human and not this 12 inches by 6 inches keyboard.
Friday, July 13, 2007
A comedy of errors
Dreams, desires, and aspirations
They seem to be just words to me today.
As I hear stories of people around me
The dictionary seems to lie to me today.
Some struck by boredom,
Some disappointed,
A few tired souls
And some minds now rusted.
The proportion of sorrows and joys vary
My share seems to be abundant with the former.
Its just a matter of time, I tell myself.
And I happen to see life laughing at me from the corner.
Expectations have died
And I've been disillusioned by life.
Be it a tragedy or a comedy of errors,
Each one of us has a different tale to tell, is what i realise.
They seem to be just words to me today.
As I hear stories of people around me
The dictionary seems to lie to me today.
Some struck by boredom,
Some disappointed,
A few tired souls
And some minds now rusted.
The proportion of sorrows and joys vary
My share seems to be abundant with the former.
Its just a matter of time, I tell myself.
And I happen to see life laughing at me from the corner.
Expectations have died
And I've been disillusioned by life.
Be it a tragedy or a comedy of errors,
Each one of us has a different tale to tell, is what i realise.
Just one more....
When too much sorrow
and too much pain
When disappointment and disgust
They fill my brain.
I shut up my mind
The voices inside it get broken.
I don't let the floodgates
Of my desires open.
Some expression
Some quietude
A little disbelief
This mind full of disputes.
When sleep is therapeutic
And escapism is magic.
When humor takes on a new colour.
The once bright hopes turn duller.
When I feel diseased
In the grip of a mysterious ailment that kills
From the divine doctor I seek
Nothing more than just one more happiness pill.
and too much pain
When disappointment and disgust
They fill my brain.
I shut up my mind
The voices inside it get broken.
I don't let the floodgates
Of my desires open.
Some expression
Some quietude
A little disbelief
This mind full of disputes.
When sleep is therapeutic
And escapism is magic.
When humor takes on a new colour.
The once bright hopes turn duller.
When I feel diseased
In the grip of a mysterious ailment that kills
From the divine doctor I seek
Nothing more than just one more happiness pill.
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