Reflections

Song Playing: Humsafar, Silk route

" Sur se saji geeton si teri yaad,
Tujh bin sanam, bhaye na koi baat
Kaise kaho, akele chaloon aaj
Aao sanam, Soone hain dil ke saaz. "

I dedicate this verse to all those wonderful few with whom I have spent the two most beautiful two years of my life.

As I was alone in a big house and a small city for the entire weekend, not having any human presence around me, just a cell phone that I used to connect to a few people, there were loads of thoughts which crossed my mind.

I miss all my friends, some more, some less. If God asked me for one wish, I would wish to have them with me to laugh with, to crib to, to fight with, to love, to care.

Some of my friends envy my chilled out work life. But work life sucks.I want something more challenging, something to look forward to everyday. I can chill when I am 50. I want to work, I want to kick this job only if I get something better and I am willing to take a risk. When will I take a risk, when I am 50? when i have the lives of 2 more people attached to mine? No, i want something more out of my work life !

A friend whom I spoke to on the phone made a comment - " That X is bored with life is because she is single and she would be happier if she had someone to share things with". I don't blame her for saying something like this because she feels that having a guy has made a difference to her life. A large part of her life now revolves around that one person. And maybe she is right. I have seen a certain excitement in people who are in love.They say love is magical.Is it the idea of being in love that is magical? I wonder.

But what is true love? Does it exist in the first place? If it did, there wouldn't be too many broken relationships. And Love at first sight is what I absolutely don't believe in. Love is about discovering a person, about knowing him too well to think he is predictable and then being surprised at that moment when you thought he was predictable.It is about the connect, the chemistry, probably something like that between the characters in the movie Before Sunrise. Maybe my picture is Utopian. I don't blame myself. I have never been in love. I might be lying when I say that, I am quite a liar.

There is another friend who says - " A guy and a girl can never be just friends. There has to be something between them, from one side at least." Again these are comments which get me thinking. Probably this was true in the previous era when there was not so much interaction between guys and girls and hence there was an obvious attraction, but I don't agree with her if she says that it still holds true.

If a woman is single, its just because the right person has not come across yet. I think there is a certain independence in being single. She dosen't have to hang up while talking to a friend saying that he is on call waiting, phone calls are not restricted to one person, daily activities need not be reported to someone, she dosen't need to go invisible on chat, just because now he has come online, she doesn't need to worry about his insecurity when she goes for a movie with a male friend and at the same time she need not feel insecure about his female friends. It saves so much trouble, But yes, when this single woman gets friendly with a guy, he might think she is available just because she is single and if she is close to a male friend who is committed, she might have to face insecurities of his girlfriend.But then, Is love about finding the right person or about creating the right relationship?

And what about lost love? I want to quote Mitch Albom from 'The Five people you meet in Heaven' :
"Lost Love is still love. It just takes a different form. You can't see their smile or move them around a dance floor.But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it.You dance with it.Life has to end.Love doesn't."
But memories will fade with time. In the hurried existence called life, who has the time to nurture memories?

But yes, there is a need for companionship. Sometimes, I've felt lonely, I've felt broken from inside and then I've felt the need to have someone to hug and to pour out all my worries and all my thoughts to. A human and not this 12 inches by 6 inches keyboard.

A comedy of errors

Dreams, desires, and aspirations
They seem to be just words to me today.
As I hear stories of people around me
The dictionary seems to lie to me today.

Some struck by boredom,
Some disappointed,
A few tired souls
And some minds now rusted.

The proportion of sorrows and joys vary
My share seems to be abundant with the former.
Its just a matter of time, I tell myself.
And I happen to see life laughing at me from the corner.

Expectations have died
And I've been disillusioned by life.
Be it a tragedy or a comedy of errors,
Each one of us has a different tale to tell, is what i realise.

Just one more....

When too much sorrow
and too much pain
When disappointment and disgust
They fill my brain.
I shut up my mind
The voices inside it get broken.
I don't let the floodgates
Of my desires open.
Some expression
Some quietude
A little disbelief
This mind full of disputes.
When sleep is therapeutic
And escapism is magic.
When humor takes on a new colour.
The once bright hopes turn duller.
When I feel diseased
In the grip of a mysterious ailment that kills
From the divine doctor I seek
Nothing more than just one more happiness pill.

Voices and Noises

The bus engine roars when it goes uphill
The motorcycle speeds by
The mobile phone rings
The little baby cries.

The pressure cooker whistles,
The dripping tap adds to the noise.
Raindrops fall on the tin roof,
And water flows by.

The coffee vending machine makes noise
I hear the sound of the lady's heels on the marble floor
I hear my fingers on the keyboard as I type this
So many sounds, so many noises; most of them I ignore.

Some conversations of meaning
Some meaningless chatter
In random conversations I indulge,
For leisure sake; so how does it matter?

Some noises I fear; Some voices I long to hear
The music, the guitar I hear not
Not even the giggles, the laughs
Or the voices of those near and dear.

Noises aplenty,
Voices unheard.
A few words spoken
Many unspoken words.

As I walk down the path, I ponder
The noise of my footsteps follow me on the route
And I can't help but wonder
What is life like for the deaf and the mute?

Happyness

I have a friend who says that I need to learn to be happy, that I must know how to be happy and find happiness and it will come on its own. I want to ask her -In the past I have never made an effort to be happy but I have still found happiness. How did it happen then? I remember from a recent movie that no one finds happiness. Its just a pursuit of happiness. Good weather makes me happy.The sight of a little child clinging to its mother makes me happy. A call from an old friend makes me happy. A word of encouragement makes me happy. Life is strange; it gives you happiness in the most unexpected ways and happiness is quite ephemeral; it leaves you the minute you start feeling it the most. There are little moments which give me happiness and most miniscule moments that make me unhappy. We as humans have so many desires - things, people, places. If i close my eyes I can paint a perfect picture of my life; sometimes I feel I am just so close to painting it for myself, sometimes I feel its just so distant. The spiritual man whose writings I follow says - When you want something, there is a certain joy in wanting it, getting it. But the minute you get it, you make it ugly. You destroy the beauty. So maybe I am better off with that perfect picture on the canvas of my mind and maybe happiness is just a never ending pursuit. And maybe I should know how to be happy or perhaps learn to be happy.

Do you know where I can learn?

The IMI I miss

The IMI I miss.
The Gym classroom. The Brick walls. Another brick in the wall.
The tuck shop.The cigarette smoke.The 50 Bucks recharges. The Yellow Lays. The chocolates.
The breakfast sms.The missed calls for lunch and dinner. The bad food in the mess.
The Priya and saket.The dark temptation of barista.The slice of Italy chocolate mousse.
The passive smoking of Ultra Milds.
The bad songs on priyanka's laptop.
The movies on LAN.
The dylan songs. The dylan friend.
The fights. The hugs.The elevator.
The coffee in the mess.
The winter chill. The multiple layers of woolens.
The amphi mornings. The coffee. The Hindu. The crossword. The Sudoku.
The hot room. The cold room. The warm room. Priyanka. Her huge blanket.The amplified voice. The excel sheets.Entering the room late at night.
The headaches. The bad food. The packing, unpacking every 3 months.
The Chhavi, her idioscyncracies. Her philosophy. Kala Aparajita. Her coffee. The Aurobindo Ashram. The mindless giggling. The face packs. Her big eyes. The kajal. Her farewell speech.
The Soma, her blog. Her books.
The Raghu, the play. The walk in CP, the perenially cribbing Prakriti. Her car, the drives. Twenty four seven at 3 o clock in the night.
The Books, the music, the blog.The Gtalk. The Orkut.
The D3, the mess there. The Shivam in front of the mirror, The guitar lying there.
The Ishan, everything about him.
The walks till IIFT. The Parantha, the paneer, the cream bell icecream.
The rockland Hospital, the cafe. The cetrizines, etc. The katwaria, the green park.
The Lajpat, the Sabhyata.
The Library. The NS.
The Gossips. The washing machine.
The hair now straight, the comments galore.
The Preetha. Her music, the philosophy. The lawyer. My tears, my secret vault. The C43 i ran to when my eyes welled up.
The youtube. The music. The guitar. The DJ. The Drink. The dance. The Shakira, the Hips dont lie. The D Block Terrace. The beer and smoke there.
The Garima. Her songs, her Innocence. The MR she feared. The lessons she taught.
The cellphone and bunch of keys perpetually in my hand.
The Dilli haat, the JNU, the Sanjay Van. The IIMA.The Rishikesh trip.
The Goodbyes. The final journey with Aditi and Ishan. The journey I wish had not happened. The IMI i miss. The IMI i wish i was still in.

How to sit on a bench

Are you wondering what's the big deal? Let me tell you, its a very difficult task, a mammoth one. I'm sure all of us have sat on a bench in school or college and have been addressed as back benchers at some point of time. I still remember the professor saying - " Last Bench!! Out of the class!!" . So whats the big deal? Why this article on " How to sit on a bench".? "C'Mon Man! I already know that! " - Did I hear you say that?

Well you are highly mistaken. Sitting on a bench is not as easy as it may sound. You think you want to go back to school and learn the art, forget it! You don't need to. This phase comes much later in life, and you really need to learn it "On the JOB!!"....

To sit on a bench, there are certain eligibilty criteria that you must satisfy. One, you must be qualified enough, at least a graduate. Postgraduates like us do a better job there! and if you are an MBA then you will enjoy it all the more, so what if all of the last few months you were waiting for some exciting work..!

As i said, sitting on a bench is very difficult. Let me elaborate. When you are sitting on a bench, you are not expected to do much unlike the bench in school or college where you were expected to at least answer the professor's questions. And if you were occupying the back benches, u were more in the target area of the bombarding questions of the professor. But on this bench, u will not be asked any questions, nor are there any expectations. The reason being very simple - You are merely Inexperienced Enthusiasts, and enthusiasts always occupied the first few benches in class, remember the forever enthusiastic geeks!

Next, you get loads of money for just warming the benches. So you will not even feel like getting out of class! Coz in another class, u might have to occupy the first few benches and you might get lesser money!

Ok.! Now lets come to what you do when you are sitting on a bench! Well, when you are on a bench, then the times-they-are-a-wasting! You can indulge in all your hobbies! You haven't read a book in a long time.. what u saying? Being on bench, you can be an avid reader!!

When you get bored of reading a book, you can just stare into outer space and wonder - " Why the hell am I here? What am I doing here? Why? What? When? How? All these interrogatives will fill your mind and rid you of all the boredom.Then you can get back to reading the book you were reading. You can keep yourself terribly updated with news. Every morning after you record your entry into a noisy square device, you can sit an stare at the newspaper for hours together.

You can also touch base with all your friends while you are sitting on a bench. How? C'mon thats not tough. The Internet and the fixed local telephone line at your desk will come to your rescue. You can keep looking for people on your internet messenger and disturb them once in a while. And if they have also been mastering the art of sitting on a bench, well! then nothing like it! You can sit and talk to them for hours together!!

Remember the days in school when you were not feeling too well and the teacher said - Ok! Sleep with your head down! So, precisely what I am trying to say is that when you are sitting on a bench, you can sleep with your head down, with no teacher telling you to wake up. Doze off into your own world of dreams, anytime of the day!

Let me tell u the scene when you enter this bench-art-seekers' world! You will see these mortals trying very hard to perfect the art.. and since u must not disturb, you will find these "hardworking" souls with a headphone on. Whats playing on the headphone is a different question altogether..! You might just hear someone listening to some Knowledge and learning sessions or you might also hear some person trying to sing with his nostrils. Don't worry, these are recreation mechanisms followed all over this land of wannabe bench experts!

While you are mastering the art of sitting on a bench, you can also master some other areas, like possibly Income tax, because thats one of most discussed topics. You could also look at other professions like Coffee and Tea tasters because while u are mastering this art, you are also trying out different coffee and tea varieties, where one cup of tea lasts an hour, coz of course you want to kill time.

Some people in this land can also entertain themselves by playing a computer game; you could keep digging a gold mine for hours and then you could contemplate as to how to get a mighty large game like Some empires on to this cursed machine; you can think of some electronic devices like disks, pen drives etc. Mind you, everything in this land is electronic! its all technology. So before you create any noise, you must remember - 'Techies at 'Work' ! '; Work is the keyword there!!

Sometimes these benchers are invited for meetings and sometimes they are not. Of the tons of e-mails that they read throughout the day, most of which are supposed to be ignored by them, there will be one relevant mail. The meetings happen after millions of rescheduling but don't you dare ask them the output of the meetings; they will not tell.

Since a desktop machine is your only saviour, you look for all kinds of entertainment here. From internet messengers to other websites. Remember the proxy that you used to put in class, which the back benchers were great at putting. Here you are all enlightened on a different kind of 'proxy'. You know which proxy site to use to enable access to one of the most famous blue and pink colour social networking site. The moment the entertainment hijackers block one of these 'proxy' sites you figure out another one. After all, how can you live without all the crap called scrap!!

Its a difficult art, but the rest is for me to know and for you to find out.....
Good luck!