Work... 3 weeks..

Three weeks into work, my own cubicle now, the internet starved me gets access to Internet at her desk;

Inspired to write this by a friend of mine, here's my experience into what they say is the big, bad corporate world.

6th May I enter this royal 300 acre Campus.. rains and an amazing weather give me a warm welcome. Excited I am to know what the experience will be like for me. I am gonna stay for the next two weeks in this plush campus, an almost 5 star room.

The excitement seems to fade away soon, buildings and fountains can excite a person for only so much time...

The training begins and MBA seems to repeat, with personal communication classes i wonder what i did those 2 years.. i wouldn't mind these sessions again, jus gimme my friends here as well...

Money comes into the picture with words like CTC, Gross and Net thrown around from day1.. my colleagues discussing tax calculations, I'm lost in my own world. When I return to the discussion I find myself no where and get up and go to grab a coffee.

Coffee has become my staple drink and its just a way to run away from work for a few minutes or to get my mind back into the IT world.

I learn to ride a bicycle and people around me see me all enthusiastic, I wish i could tell them that when I'm cycling and the wind is blowing over this 300 acre gold cage, it takes me to Calcutta and to Delhi at least till the time I can see that ts time to park it on the cycle stand.

My day starts with idly and ends in dosa.. I miss my Mom, her food was so much better!

I feel that this is not where I am supposed to be, that its just a matter of time and I will be where I am happy.... just that this feeling leaves me soon and I start wondering - what am I doing here?

People around me discuss 'being independent'. I say to myself - " Bloody Hell..! I dont want to be independent. I want my friends and my family to be my support system. Where r u guys yaar, i wanna have some fun! "

No Internet access, before 9, after 5... here, not there,.., no orkut , no this no that... dont walk on the grass, dont do this... rules, rules and more rules...!! it suffocates me sometimes... Missing the perpetually on laptop on my desk with no rules, anytime access!

My phone is on roaming for 2 weeks since I feel I'll be leaving this campus soon. The phone on roaming is almost useless.. , caught in this circle of salary and money I cant even talk to people when I feel like. I get to know after 2 weeks that I am finally located at this same place- Mysore. I cry out for help.... I wanna be in Bangalore, will somebody listen?

Ok! i have come to terms with Mysore as my location. "Come on Sweta, Bangalore is just 2 hrs away!" FINE!! Here i go to the Hutch Shop, buy a Corporate connection and I am so so happy..! Didnt know a phone connection would gimme so much happiness.. at least i can now call my friends wenever i feel like... One day, I make STD calls for a few hundred rupees..! Money cant buy happiness, did someone say that?

They start discussing Telecom now... ! Some one is a Telecom Manager, some one a Telecom Engineer...Me only a mibile phone user... will it do??

There was a time I wrote some poetry... my poetry has died a silent death...now when i sit with a pen and paper in hand, the paper remains blank till the time I get lost in my thoughts again..! No words to express.... verbose prose like this, after about 3 weeks is all I can manage...

Sometimes I close my eyes and I wish my friends could be here... I open my eyes and find none of them.. I pick up my mobile phone and call one of them, but its too silly to tell them what i jus felt.. Let me take this opportunity and tell u that i really really miss u a lot.... !

I walk into the Book Shop in campus and plan that this is the book i'll read next week, this the week after that and then this and then this.... I used to read, once upon a time....

Music in my life is now zilch... ! i seem to enjoy the DJ who plays here sometimes..., jus because its music, music starved I am... will my wannabe Dylan friend come to my rescue..! ?

My weekends are spent sleeping, washing and ironing... along with that some movies like 'Kya Love Story Hai' and 'Good Boy, Bad Boy'.... dont worry, my taste in movies is still the same;its just that the multiplex here screens these movies and I have no choice.... Can i look for movies on the LAN... ? will someone send me a movie over IP?

i wanna go bak to IMI days... i wanna take up a job in Calcutta... i wanna be with my friends.. come over yaar, we'll sit and chat..! we;ll discuss some songs, some movies, some books... we'll go for breakfast and eat something thats not south Indian... we'll chat on gtalk for hours.... !!

I dont want so much money... if my life is gonna be as shallow as this... i want to read, i wanna write... , i wanna watch some brilliant movies... i wanna discuss music and books... ! i wanna eat home food.... ! i wanna meet my friends.. i wanna sit with my friends and talk for hours... i want some nice long beautiful conversations..! Come someone to my rescue... come will u??

Its been a while

I sit with a pen and paper in hand
A heavy heart and a vacant mind
I try to pen down my thoughts
Words fail, I seem to be able to write not.
Its been a while, I tell myself.
A while, yes a long while.
I miss so many things, so many people
This seems to be just one of them.
I'm nostalgic, very.
Someone come to me,
This nostalgia might just kill me.

Stay

We have to move on in life, they say.
Then why do I want to stay?
Why the insecurity about the future?
Where is the excitement? Why the fear?
Let Go! is just so easy to say.
But why is it just so much more difficult today?
People change, life moves on.
Different people keep coming into our lives.
There are some that leave an impact
There are some who fade away.
Cynical I am, I don't trust my memory.
I wonder when it will betray
And take these beautiful memories away
And so I want some people, some places and some memories to just stay.

What Lies Ahead!!

"Hey, i'm getting bored..."
How many times have i heard this from myself already this year?
What is this phase of life, I wonder?
What lies ahead, I fear...

"Hey, time has stopped it seems"
With nothing interesting happening
My sleeping hours extended
I have just too much time with me to dream..

"Theatre is 150 bucks, lets watch the movie on the LAN"
With ten of us in one small room,
Giggling and watching fourteen movies
In a one week span.

"Hey, I am short of cash
Lets window shop.."
With so many of us over one cup of coffee, I think..
Sitting in a coffee shop.

Those pay cheques will be coming in soon
Forget the cash
Wallets and purses will be full of credit cards
And it will be time for some bash..

Money there will be, but no time
With one meeting after another queued up in line.
When you call up a friend he will then say
"Sorry friend, no time today.. Maybe some other day"

The big screen will be affordable soon
A large Coke and Popcorn won't be luxury
But where will I buy time and where my friends
Thats precisely my worry.

What lies ahead, I do not know.
Do i want to know , I dont know.
Do i actually want time to stop?
Maybe I do, I really don't know.

My realisations

I’ve realized....

That no matter how I feel about someone, it is impossible to express.

That no matter how unhappy I am, the world won’t stop for my grief.

That my parents love me like no one else can, but that does not mean that they understand me totally.

That the way things worked for my parents, things don’t work that way any more because the world is 25 years ahead now.

That my parents may disagree with me, but they still are the only people in the world who love me most.

That no one in the world is indispensable; the World will not stop functioning even if I don’t exist.

That someone may be very important to me in my life, but it is not necessary that I will be equally important to that person.

That I thought I was the most important person in someone's life but they have found new people now and I am important no more.

That a lot of people seem to like me because they have selfish interests.

That don’t expect anything from anyone, expectations are the cause of all pain.

That sometimes I have to smile even when I want to cry.

That I should greet everyone with a smile, no one cares if I am unhappy, they simply don’t like seeing a grumpy face.

That I can’t trust everyone to let out my innermost feelings to them.

That I should not take for granted the people who love me, I might realize later that they are the only people who actually love me.

That all decisions seem right when I am taking those decisions, in hindsight most of them appear to be wrong.

That it is best that some things are never said.

That every day I grow as a person.

That it is alright to feel stupid at times.

That I am not a child if I shed some tears.

That everyone doesn’t deserve my tears.

That there are times I feel lonely, I should'nt cry out for help. I can't leave my loneliness alone.

That I have only one life, i will live it on my own terms.

That Life is good, Its not so bad after all. !!!!

ENJOY LIFE!!

I wonder!

Haven't really got the time to sit and ponder.
What is this phase of life? I wonder!

The season is changing.
Am I changing? I wonder!

My mood is upbeat, my heart is at peace.
Is it the calm before the storm? I wonder!

Its been a while since my eyes were wet with salty water.
Why am I missing it already? I wonder!

I live in my self created meaningless world of dreams.
It dosen't take money to dream, does it? I wonder!

I have become a stronger person.
Why do I still have fears deep within? I wonder!

I'm not as emotional as I used to be
Why am I feigning a smile? I wonder!

I am loving this phase of life.
How long will it last? I wonder!

Another year

This year the vivid red of my heart changed colour,
This year the brightest colours seemed duller.
This year the lips and the heart got inebriated,
This year I felt both empty and satiated.
This year sometimes my heart skipped a beat,
At times the ground was shaken below my feet.
I sat on the steps with a friend,
At times when the pain knew no end.
I found warmth in loved ones' arms,
The storm in the sea was suddenly calm.
This year at times silence was beautiful,
Though there were times solitude was painful.
This year I laughed till the stomach ached,
I also cried whenever the heart ached.
This year was eventful, forever it seems,
I saw many nightmares and a few dreams.
As the sun sets at the horizon,
To rise again next year
I pray to the Almighty,
For another eventful year!